i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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