ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I bet he comes in French.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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