Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You took a bar mat shot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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