There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
