did you get engaged???
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
