by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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