Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
