I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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