Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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