I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
