having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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