Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
