yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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