I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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