he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
