whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize