It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
