I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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