i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
