after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
