Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
