can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
