Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
