Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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