I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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