They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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