i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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