I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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