hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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