i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
