i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
