would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
