Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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