I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
