Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
