Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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