Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
