New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
don't judge my taste in strippers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
