I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
