I wish i was in the wii world.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize