me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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