Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
