You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
