So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
