I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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