I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
