a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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