You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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