we have officially lost it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
