i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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