saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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