Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
