after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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