You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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