do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
