Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How does one acquire holy water?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
