My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
