My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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