Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
