i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
