She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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