My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
