I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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