you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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