Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
