well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
