On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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