What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
